MORE THAN JUST MY WEIGHT

If you have been following me on Instagram for some time, you might notice that I mention my weight, or weight loss. As well as what Im working on within my body. My weight has been something that has fluctuated up and down years. It has taken me a while to realize that its never really about my weight. Its always something deeper. When I was in high school I was skinny. Super skinny, While all of my girlfriends were filling out and getting their curves I was just skinny. I tried so many different ways to gain weight and nothing worked.

Fast forward a few years I put on some pounds. I didn’t like it at all. All of that weight I so desperately wanted, once I finally got it, I wanted to get rid of it right away. So I started exercising regularly. My weight would occasionally go up and down and then boom. Pregnant. Gained 50 pounds and was happy. Was extremely determined to get the weight off after I gave birth and I did. In about 4 months I weighed less than I did when before I became pregnant.

Then…the weight started creeping back in with every year that passed another 5 pounds here, ten pounds there and before I knew it I put on 25 pounds. I didn’t realize it until i saw myself in a picture one day. Now I know weight can be such a trivial thing, something that shouldn’t matter so much. But for me I knew it did because it is when im sinking into a low place that my weight starts to increase. it was a lack of control I felt i had in my life. However one thing I could control was how much I ate. Food for me, like for most people is extremely comforting. The bad food. The salty chips, and the sugary cookies, my weaknesses. All comfort. It was easy to get excited by what my next meal would be and neglect what my true underlying issue was.

Some people eat less when stress and anxiety kicks in, and some over eat. I realize that I focus on my weight believing that if I lose the weight I will gan my happiness back. I will feel more in control of my life when actually all the things I do to lose the weight are what put me back on the right track to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Regaining a healthy relationship with food. Working out regularly. Just showing my body the love it deserves. Its so much more than the number I see on the scale. That number has always been a reflection of how I’m feeling on the inside.